Have you ever wanted to inform somebody that something they said or did could be harmful to others?
It can be an uncomfortable thing to do but with the right tools and approach, there are ways you can interrupt another person’s personal bias. One of those ways is through “calling out” and “calling in“.
“Calling Out”
We need to let someone know that their words or actions are unacceptable and will not be tolerated. When we need to interrupt to prevent further harm, we’re provided with the opportunity to hit the “pause” button and break the momentum.
Examples of Calling Out- “Wow. Nope. Ouch. I need to stop you right there.”
- “Okay, I am having a strong reaction to that, and I need to let you know why.”
- “Hmmm.. maybe you want to think this one through a bit more and speak about it later.”
- “Is sex/gender/gender identity/gender expression/race/class/ ethnicity/religion/ability/ immigration status/ body type/ marital status/ age/ pregnancy relevant to your point? How?”
- “It sounds like you’re making some assumptions that we need to unpack a bit.”
- “That word/comment is triggering and offensive. Be mindful and pick a different word.”
- “I don’t find that funny. Tell me why that’s funny to you.”
- “I need you to know how your comment just landed on me.”
- ” It sounded like you just said _________. Is that really what you meant?”
- “You may or may not realize this, but you’re talking about me/my story/my identity markers.”
- “I need to push back against that. I do not see it this way. I disagree.”
- “I wonder if you’ve considered the impact of your words.”
- “That’s not our culture here. Those aren’t our values.”
- “As your peer/colleague/co-worker /friend/supervisor, tell you that your comment wasn’t okay.”
- “I need to leave the room if the conversation is going to continue down this road.”
Think: How might we call out the behaviour while calling in the person?
“Calling In”
“Calling in” is an opportunity to explore deeper, make meaning together, and find a mutual sense of understanding across difference through a focus on reflection, versus reaction.
When we are seeking to understand or learn more, we create a comfortable environment to easily help someone imagine different perspectives, possibilities, or outcomes. It provides the opportunity for for multiple perspectives and encourages paradigm shifts.
Examples of Calling In- “I’m curious. What was your intention when you said that?”
- “How might someone else see this differently? Is it possible that someone might misinterpret your words/actions?”
- “What criteria are you using to measure/assess?”
- “What do you assume to be true about ____?”
- “Why do you think that is the case? Why do you believe that to be true?”
- “Why did the result or response cause a problem for you?”
- “How might the impact of your words/actions differ from your intent?”
- “How might your comfort level, assumptions, expectations, and prior experiences influence your beliefs, decisions, process?”
- “How did you decide, determine, conclude ______?”
- “Why is this the best way to proceed? What other approaches have you considered?”
- “Why do you think others have/haven’t moved in that direction?”
- “What would other stakeholders say/think/feel?”
- “What sort of impact do you think your decision/comment/action might have?”
- “How is _______ difference from ______?”
- “What is the connection between ______ and _____?”
- “What would have to change for _________?”
- “What is making you the most fearful, nervous, uncomfortable or worried?”
- “How do you know it’s working?”
- “In your opinion, what is the best-case scenario?”
Adapted from the School Reform Initiative Pocket Guide to Probing Questions
Thank you Rebecca for providing us this helpful information!
Looking for more exercises like this? Try Seed The Way!