Are you hurting your partner?
Have you ever thought that you may be behaving in a way that could be physically or mentally harmful to your partner?
These behaviours are often difficult to recognize if you’re the one doing them — but acknowledging that you may be hurting your partner is the first step in moving toward a healthier relationship.
If you’re looking for someone to lend a confidential, impartial ear, the mental health and addictions line is a great option. Their phone number is 1-888-737-4668. They’ll listen, withhold judgment and help you begin to address what’s going on in your relationship.
Check in with yourself: How do you act toward your partner?
Do you…
- Feel angry or insecure about your partner’s relationships with others (friends, family, coworkers)?;
- Frequently check up on your partner, or have them check in with you throughout the day?;
- Find yourself snooping through their personal communications? (Ex. Reading their personal emails, checking their texts);
- Believe your partner should ask your permission to go somewhere, spend time with someone, or make a decision?;
- Become upset when your partner doesn’t act the way you expect them to or do what you want them to?;
- Divert your anger on drugs, alcohol, or your partner’s actions?;
- Struggle to calm down and control your anger, when it arises?;
- Threaten to hurt your partner, or actually physically or emotionally do so?;
- Raise your voice at your partner or call them negative names?;
- Not allow partner from spending money, or require that they have an allowance and keep receipts of their spending?;
- Force or attempt to force your partner to be intimate with you or continue to pressure then when they say no?;
- Overreact to small incidents or “mistakes” your partner makes?
How does your partner react?
Do they…
- Seem nervous when you come around them?;
- Seem as if they fear you?;
- Make a sudden movement or cringe if you more too quickly or are upset?;
- Cry because of something that you made them do / not do?;
- Rarely speak up for themselves or just go with every decision you make?;
- Isolate themselves from friends, coworkers or family for you?
If any of these occurrences sound familiar, it could be a red flag that you may be hurting your partner. We recognize that this can be a difficult realization, but by acknowledging that your behaviour could be modified and taking responsibility is a step in the right direction.
How to get help
We frequently speak with people who have found themselves in your situation. We are here to help. We treat all individuals with dignity, non-judgment, and respect and can help direct you to support and provide a few strategies for de-escalating if you start to feel anger.
Our crisis calls are referred to our local community partners found here.
If you’re looking for someone to lend a confidential, impartial ear, the mental health and addictions line is a great option. They’ll listen, withhold judgment and help you begin to address what’s going on in your relationship.
If you’re questioning your own behaviour at all, or if someone else has brought it to your attention, acknowledging it is a step in the right direction. Give us a call today at 709-757-0137, or reach out to the Mental Health and Addictions line, 709-737-4668.
Is change possible?
Absolutely, the following are some changes that could indicate you’re making progress in your recovery:
- Admitting the ways in which you have hurt a loved one;
- Accepting responsibility and recognizing that abuse is a choice;
- Understanding the patterns of controlling behaviour you use(d) and the attitudes that drive abuse;
- Accepting that overcoming abusiveness is not something you can cure overnight;
- Making amends with individuals you have harmed;
- Avoid excuses and blaming others;
- Not demanding praise for improvements you’ve made;
- Not treating improvements as a reason to not accept “occasional slip ups” (ex. “I haven’t done anything like this in a long time, so it’s not a big deal”);
- Developing healthy, supportive behaviors;
- Sharing power and responsibility between one another;
- Changing how you respond to their partner’s (or former partner’s) anger and grievances;
- Changing how react in moments where you know you would easily lose temper;
- Accepting the consequences of actions.
Truly overcoming abusiveness can be an ongoing, often lifelong process — but change is possible. Acknowledging that your behaviours might be unhealthy or abusive is the first step and it is never too late to seek help.
Prefer to chat over e-mail?
Reach out to ViolencePreventionAE@gmail.com.