How to tell the difference in your relationship.
Every single person experiences feelings of jealousy at some point in their lives, which can have a negative effect on relationships. Experiencing jealously from time-to-time is completely normal, and sometimes even appropriate if there is a real threat to the relationship at play. The key difference is that jealousy is dealt with by expressing one’s feelings and talking about establishing healthy boundaries that both partners can agree upon,
However, jealousy can often be at the root of an abuser’s controlling behaviour. Be aware and consider jealousy to be a red flag, particularly if it occurs frequently at the beginning of a new relationship and conversation doesn’t aid the tension.
Jealousy becomes especially problematic when it’s triggered by something that occurs, although no real threat exists. Jealousy can also also problematic when normal feelings of jealousy transition to unrealistic expectations towards their partner.
Jealousy also causes abusers to impose double standards on their partner. If a jealous partner says that their partner can’t spend time with individuals that are the same sex as themselves. If both partners agree to that, that may be healthy. But if it’s one partner telling the other not to do that but he or she still can, that’s a red flag.
Here are some safety tips to consider.
Thank you to DomesticShelters.ORG for sharing the following considerations!
Too serious too quick.
If a partner wants to be exclusive immediately, ask yourself why. It may offer feelings of security, but wanting to be exclusive immediately can be a red flag, Consider why an emotionally secure adult would need to rush into being exclusive when you barely know one another.
Feeling supervised?
Following you on Instagram is one thing, but anytime someone wants your password or to check your phone, that’s invasive. The first time it comes up, you need to set a strong boundary.
Repetitive behaviour
Abuse is recurrent. If bouts of jealousy followed by apologies and promises of a better future become a pattern, it may signal that control and abuse is to come.
No accountability
In healthy relationships, the partner who is feeling jealous should discuss his or her feelings with the other partner rationally. He or she might say, When you go out with your co-workers without inviting me, I feel insecure and jealous.But people who are not emotionally intelligent will blame the partner for their own feelings, saying things like, You make me crazy when you go out with your co-workers!
If you have hesitancies, don’t ignore them.
A huge red flag is when the partner who is being abused starts defending, explaining and accommodating the other partner. If you’re using sentences that start with I was just … that’s generally a sign of abuse and control.
Abuse isn’t always easy to identify. Educate yourself on the types of abuse.
